STRIVING is VANITY

There are many names for God throughout the Bible.  I, from time to time, like to add my own names for God to the list.  Lately for me He has been "Breaker of Preconceived Notions"  (Come, let us return to the Lord... for he has torn that he may heal us; he has stricken that he may bind us up. Hosea 6:1)

Anyway, my relationship with God has really been changing...and I wish that I could put this into words, but it is nearly impossible.  Something I read in Hosea this morning kind of helps me:

For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice; the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.  Hosea 6:6

I'll try to make this as simple as I can.  Yes, God wants me to be holy; but more than that He wants me to love and know Him.  In Hosea's day people were able to acknowledge God with their lips and actions and not in their hearts by making sacrifices and burnt offerings.  They thought they were doing what was pleasing to God... what "holiness" required.  Their disciplined actions became a substitute for actual relationship.

I daresay I have been guilty of the same-- elevating some discipline or good work above the love and knowledge of God.  Our striving for holiness is important, however that in itself can become an idol.

Picture a marriage relationship in which we see the husband sitting on the couch and the wife running around cleaning and cooking and trying to do everything she can to be a "good" wife-- and everytime she passes through the living room her husband says, "Hey why don't you come over here and sit with me."  And she "can't" because she is too busy doing "important" things.

Lord, teach me to BE with you, and deliver me from striving to earn your approval/love by all my disciplined actions.  You desire my love far above my holiness, for I became holy through Jesus Christ, not myself.

Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town to'another due,
Labor to'admit you, but oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly'I love you, and would be lov'd fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy;
Divorce me,'untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you'enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

--John Donne Holy Sonnet XIV

I shall never be free unless you imprison me, O Lord.  I shall never be pure unless you overtake me.  I have nothing except in you Lord Jesus.  You are a mighty fine lover, a mighty fine lover indeed; and try as I may to chase another lover, I find there is no other.

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her....  "   -Hosea 2:14

LIVE WHILE YOU LIVE

"For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward; but the memory of them is lost. Their love and their hate and their envy have already perished, and they have no more for ever any share in all that is done under the sun. Go, eat your bread with enjoyment, and drink your wine with a merry heart; for God has already approved what you do. Let your garments be always white; let not oil be lacking on your head. Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life which he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.  Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going. "

If you've ever read in Ecclesiastes, you might find it a bit depressing, but I have received many "nuggets" this time around.  This passage kind of sums up the major point of the book for me.  We aren't in control like we want to be or like we think we are.  We do all this stuff for some future gain or promise, and to what end?  To begin again on the next project that we are working on!

Have you ever been driving down the road and suddenly said to yourself, "I don't remember getting here?"  Scary feeling... and it happens to a lot of people... it's like your subconscious is driving or something!  The way we live our lives is often the same I am afraid...    We push on so that we may "arrive" (at some dream or goal that we have) and then we don't even remember the journey that got us there-- which in many cases is really the point in itself!

As I read this passage today, I felt the Holy Spirit say to me, "This means you should LIVE WHILE YOU LIVE!" 

There are so many people living in oppression, bound up by things-- and I won't exclude myself here.  I pray for a prophetic word to rise up in the church and in our hearts that the TRUTH- Jesus Christ, will indeed set us free.  Did he not say he came to give LIFE abundantly!  Don't be fooled... he didn't say, "I came to give life EASILY..." 

But in all your circumstances-- LIVE!

Knowledge Without Love

I continue to think about the heart of flesh/vulnerability/weakness...

"If we know something of the secret of another person's heart, we are often aware of the enormous power in our hands-- weapons to hurt, even destroy.  Something very vulnerable and fragile has been put into our grasp-- because most people's hearts are very fragile-- and there is sometimes the fearsome strong urge  to use it to turn against someone, to lay them under obligation to us, to exert a kind of blackmail.  Weakness invites crushing and that is one of the terrible things about it."  (From Rowan Williams: A Ray of Darkness)

And haven't we all been there?  Sharing the deepest secrets of our heart, and then leaving and saying, "Oh man... should I have done that?"  The regret creeps in and we feel a sense of humiliation.  What are we really afraid of when that happens?  Lately, I have had a gnawing desire to "get to the bottom of things" such as this.  Yes, I may feel regret/anxiety over my openness/vulnerability... what what is the real underlying fear here?

Is it not that we believe knowledge is power, and what we are really afraid of is that someone will gain this deep knowledge of us..and possess it without love?  Knowledge without love is a scary thing... what if that knowledge without love is used as a weapon wielded against us?

But we are not alone in this world... we are made to be in community and to seek after spiritual friendships.  We have to remember that the key ingredient in our relationships is not knowledge, but LOVE.  I can rest knowing that I am loved.  And I can refrain from judging the other, because I love.  And, "love covers a multitude of sins."  (1 Peter 4:8)

Best of all, God does it right... he has a fuller knowledge of us than we ourselves possess.  And this is precisely what scares us.  But we are called time and time again to remember the great sacrifice Jesus Christ made on our behalf (think about this next time you receive Holy Communion)... where we are vulnerable and fragile, it is he who is wounded and broken. 

Therefore, I am humbled...and I worship.  And in that worship, I seek to know him... I allow him to know me- to search me-- to try me.  This requires a heart of flesh... and I know only he can give it to me, and I must receive to have life.

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."  Ezekiel 36:26

Why does God promise us a heart of flesh?  He promises us that in our very core, he will give us something that is essentially fragile.  What kind of promise is that?

Maybe God wants us to understand something of what it means to be incarnational.  Jesus came into the world, taking on the risk of human flesh.  Flesh risks being mocked, wounded, killed...  But stone cannot be moved with compassion...

Help me, O Lord to be a friend to my own vulnerability, so as to be a friend to the vulnerable.